Why is it that some people truly believe the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? In today’s world there can be quite a disposable outlook on life. We upgrade our mobiles, our TVs, our cars but what about when we start believing we can upgrade our lives or our husbands and wives and start peeking over the fence to see how lush the grass looks. Some may place one foot over the other side of the fence, unsure whether to make the leap, while others jump blindly.
My husband sat me down and told me that he didn’t want his life anymore. I knew in my heart he was leaving me for more than a new life, he had met someone else and was leaving me to be with her. He denied it for months but I later came to learn the full truth.
We had led a wonderful life together. My husband had a beautiful home, a loyal wife who supported him through thick and thin and a family that loved him. He had an amazing support network within our friends, church and community. We had made wonderful memories together but there he was telling me it wasn’t enough and that he was trading it all in.
He told me he felt he had settled, when all I could see was how blessed he had been. In his mind he deserved more and he was leaving me to find a ‘better’ life. Now, I am not saying that he will not go on to live a happy life, who knows, but what I do feel is that when people make the jump, they may not understand what they are leaving behind, or what they will truly find when they land on the other side of the fence.
After years of being together, many relationships slip into the ‘comfy’ mode, it’s part of the deeper love we move into as the butterflies of new love fade and we build a stronger, long-lasting connection. However, for some, they crave that new love feeling, they require it, view it as exciting and adventurous and struggle when the relationship moves into something deeper and more settled. These are the usual suspects that are the fence jumpers.
Let’s say that you are Mint Choc Chip ice cream and that’s your partners favourite flavour. You are their go-to ice cream of choice, they know what they are getting, it never lets them down and is always there in the freezer when they have had a rough day. They have been eating that Mint Choc Chip for years and though they still like the flavour, it’s become mundane, expected and a little boring for them (even though the recipe hasn’t changed and is just as great as ever!)
One day, they see a new flavour of ice cream and this new ice cream is smothered in sprinkles. It looks appealing, it’s exciting, it’s new! They decide to switch and take a bite out of the new flavour, it’s delicious. However, when they dig their spoon a little deeper, they realise that there are nuts in there and they hate nuts! They dig a bit deeper and find banana in there too and they hate banana!
They got stuck in, without seeing what was under the sprinkled goodness. It wasn’t what they thought it would be and it’s getting harder and harder to swallow down. All the time that Mint Choc Chip is looking better and better and they may long for it but know they may never be able to taste it again.
This is a little analogy I whipped up on what can happen when people think the grass is greener. Often, people jump, mesmerised by the promise of this wonderful new love and life but as they dig deeper and time moves on they may start to see the flaws because let’s face it, we all have ’em!
Wherever they land, they still have the same bills to pay, the same household responsibilities, the same problems and stresses of everyday life. Their new relationship may seem gleaming and sparkly new now but give it a while and it will have a few dents, marks and chips in it.
I have heard it be said, that the grass is only as green as you water it. What if your partner had stayed to work on your marriage, to water the grass you both stood upon? What if they lived by the vows they made to you and cherished you enough to nurture your relationship? It could have meant you flourishing, both individually and as a couple. This would have taken time, prayer, effort and dedication and for some they sadly didn’t have it in them. That is their loss!
They think the grass is greener on the other side? Maybe! But maybe all that’s ahead of them now is weeds! As for you, you will experience new growth and new beauty.
5 thoughts on “Reality Check: The Grass isn’t Always Greener”
Excellent and caring analogies. 🙂
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Thank you so much! Thanks for reading! 😊
Thank you so much for what you wrote. I would join the first comment in that I feel it is a very caring and wholesome way the way you’ve described your experience. I am currently going through what sounds like the very same thing although I wish I would have handled it with more dignity. I do not see why I had to blame myself for everything for so long and idolize my soon-to-be ex-husband and explain his wrongdoings to myself and everybody else. I should not have cried, pleaded, or begged. I hate myself for that and I hope I will never do it again witjh anyone else in the future.
I just wanted to ask you if you could share how you are currently doing a few years later and if everything is good? I truly hope it is xx
I also wondered whether you know what’s happened to your ex-husbands “beau” and if they’re still together or whether he’s even had a pang of regret/realisation of what he’s done at all? I hope it doesn’t come across as completely unnecessary curiosity, but I am genuinely curious xx
Thank you so much for kindly taking the time to comment. I’m so sorry your comment was in the spam folder and I had missed this. I’m so sorry for the difficult time you are going through. It can be so easy to blame ourselves and also, to go down those roads of pleading when your whole world feels like it is falling apart. The truth is what they are doing says so much more about who they are and not who you are. Please hold on to this fact and be kind to yourself during this time.
I am pleased to say, I am doing very well, thank you so much for asking. I do have my bad days still but in all honesty overall I am feeling so much happiness again, real joy and a real passion for life. I have learnt to embrace my new beginning. It wasn’t one I wanted but now I wouldn’t change it for all the world. I’m more myself than ever. I’m learning so much about myself and love who I’m becoming. At the time, when my husband left, I couldn’t ever imagine being in this place but I can promise you that you too will get to a point where you will find happiness again but it can be a difficult road on the way there.
In terms of my ex-husband, he did come to regret things quite early on after leaving but by this point I had seen him for who he was and I had become strong enough to not be taken in by his tears. I did write a post about this experience called Reality check: clinging to a love that hurts. I love what I am about to write to you in response to your question regarding whether he and his affair partner are together – I don’t know. I love writing that because I have reached a place of not caring, not looking at any social media, not engaging, I have totally cut off and am just focused on living my life and enjoying it. I promise that you too will get to this place (no matter how unbelievable it may seem at the moment). I have a whole new life now, one where I am far happier than I ever was in my marriage and I’m going to be writing more about this in the coming months.
I want to tell you that you are going to be okay. You are stronger than you even know. At the moment, it feels like life will never be the same and that you will be forever broken but I need to tell you that you will overcome this and you will be more beautiful in every way than you ever imagined. Please hold onto hope and know that you are enough and you are worthy of a true and healthy love that cherishes you. Please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing. All the best, ValleyGirlWalking