It was a year ago that I sat down at my laptop, having never blogged before, and began my first post, “When The Mountain Doesn’t Move.”
I was in a dark and desperate place and was searching for something to channel all of the thoughts that were whirling around inside my head. I was trying to understand the betrayal and loss that I was experiencing.
I wanted to connect with others who could relate to me and to hear back from people who had come out on the other side of this nightmare. I wanted to begin, in some small way, to find some shred of positivity amongst the nightmare I had found myself in.
A year on and I’m still here! Still on my journey through the valley and still writing. It is a very difficult journey but along the way I have come to find myself again.
I cannot thank my wonderful readers enough for the amazing support I have received from you all. Thank you so much for continuing to read about my journey and for the kind words of encouragement that you take the time to give me.
I thank God for this blog, for the wonderful outlet that it has become, the sense of purpose that it gives me and for the amazing people it has brought me into contact with throughout this year.
Some of my readers have kindly been in touch to encourage me to write and post some poetry as another helpful outlet. I thought at this point, a year into the blog, I would share with you a poem I have written which I hope speaks to others who have experienced similar journeys.
Thank you!
Born to Soar
I once stood in a golden cage
It felt safe and warm, it felt like love
Unknowingly shaped to feel I would fail
That I wouldn’t know how to fly
I secured myself upon your flight
I allowed my wings to weaken
Each day my feathers shed
Until I became unrecognisable
I thought I was being nourished
I believed that I was in control
So subtle was your way
I didn’t feel freedom leave me
But you saw another creature
You fled for her plume and call
You left my cage unguarded
Cutting short your eternal promise
I bolted from that abandoned place
My wings found strength to take flight
I felt freedom pierce my lungs
It tasted of fear, it tasted beautiful
I turned my face towards the sun
Up there above it all, you look so small
Above the tears and broken dreams
It’s just me and it’s the air
And it confirms what I suspected all along
That I was born to soar
Devoted and Divorced 
Great job! Keep on soaring!
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Thank you Christine ☺️
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I love that piece, it’s so powerful!
Happy Blogiversary – here’s to lots more happy blogging 😊🌷
Caz xx
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Thanks so much Caz! 💖
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The poem is nice, and the post is well written, showing your progress. Not trying to be Mr. Know It All, but from my personal journey, I needed to stop using words like nightmare, ruined, broken, etc. Yes my wife hurt me when she walked away, but no way is it a nightmare, no way did she ruin me, no way am I broken. Words are strong. I also have stopped several well meaning friends who would say things like “oh, she ruined your life” or “oh, it’s so sad what she did to you.” I needed myself and them to stop giving me a pity party. I did my grieving, but I needed to dry my eyes, and move forward. Yes, the truth is that she hurt me, she put me on a detour, etc., but nothing that will last forever!! (And due to my religious beliefs, I’m not even able to remarry for any reason until death do us part.) So, in the early stages, it sure looked like she ruined my life. But through blogs like yours — reading a lot, it helped me overcome, just as you are overcoming too. I don’t know if I’ve shared it in my last comment, but one thing that helped me see if I was moving on was reading things like “ways to show if my ex has moved on” — this was not for my wife, this was for me. It helped me see if I could pat myself on the back, or areas that I still needed to improve on. I read things like “fake it until you make it” haha — and so there were times I wanted a pity party from someone but I knew it would set me back. My wife hurt me enough, no sense in giving her the power to hurt me until the day I die. I sure hope you have a wonderful day ValleyGirlWalking — go for a walk, go out to eat, call a friend, whatever. Just don’t allow “him” to have power over how you are feeling today. And then repeat that tomorrow. 🙂
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Thank you so much for getting in touch and for sharing your experience. I understand exactly what you are saying, more so now at this point than at the time. Like you said at the begining it did look like my life was ruined but only now I see it was actually the begining of a new life. It took my brain a long time to even start to process the shock of it for a while and it felt like the end of everything including who I was. It’s so hard in that place to imagine a new future but God does have a future for us. You are right about the language we use and the power it gives the person. The word ruined implies that we are forever broken and damaged which gives the person so much more power than they deserve. It’s brillaint that you read about ways to move forward for you and not for them. I wrote a post called ‘this is about you now’ at a time when I was constantly having to remind myself to do things for me rather than for their benefit. It’s a powerful thing – when you shift the focus from their life to your life. Thanks again for your comments 🙂
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I really like how you ended the poem focused on yourself. In the split second before reading the end, my mind finished the poem like this — it confirms what I suspected all along…that you were a no good jerk. Haha, I like your ending better!! He had his 15 minutes of fame, and you are now intentionally focusing on yourself. Reading posts like yours helps me to keep letting go. And quite honestly, even reading posts where the betrayed spouse is extremely angry and seeks revenge is helpful too. It helps me to NOT go down the pathway. I did not click on the news article today due to the severity of the headline, but a betrayed spouse attacked his wifes new lover and removed a body part from him!!! Absolutely revolting. And now the betrayed spouse will probably do at least 10 years in prison. The wife will now feel vindicated that she left such an “evil person.” The betrayed spouse should have written poems, he should have grieved, he should have reached out for help. Instead, he has now brought a whole new layer of hurt into his life. He is a good example of what not to do. Your poem shows that while you acknowledge the loss, you also acknowledge there’s a whole new life to live even after bad things happen. He should have found your blog — it could have kept him from messing up his future.
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Thank you so much! Am glad you liked the poem. Your version of the ending did make me laugh! It is so important like you say, to find ways to channel all the intense feelings that betrayal and abandonment brings with it. That’s awful! There is definitely new life ahead, I am finding bit by bit I am growing stronger and starting to let life in again. As bleak as things can seem, if we just follow that little glint of light, we can make our way through the darkness. Thanks for your comments. 🙂
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“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:31
Keep on soaring and keep on writing.
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Thank you so much! 💖
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